Pet Peeves: Encouraging Encouragers

Do Everything in Love

Note: if you follow me on facebook you probably recognize a few of these sections… I’ve added some stuff and put those thoughts here…

Definition of the day:

en·cour·age·ment
 [ in kúr ijmənt ]
  1. support that inspires confidence: support of a kind that inspires confidence and a will to continue or develop
  2. something that encourages: somebody who or something that gives somebody hope, confidence, or courage

ANTONYMS: dampen, deject, depress, deter, discourage, dispirit, dissuade, uninspire, disheartening, dismal, dreary, gloomy, pessimistic, hopeless (these verbs mean to make less hopeful)

not to be confused with…

dis·cour·age
 [ diss kúr ij ]
  1. tend to stop something: to tend to prevent something from happening by making it more difficult or unpleasant
  2. try to deter somebody: to try to stop a person or animal from doing something
  3. make somebody less optimistic: to make somebody feel less motivated, confident, or optimistic
Synonyms: dissuade, oppose, hinder, inhibit, prevent, stop, suppress (these definitions are from Bing)
My thesaurus here at home (Rogets) adds one extra definition that I tend to think of as encouragement in action -  “lending supportive approval.”
The reality of life is that there is always going to be a line of people around the corner willing to tell us all the ways we are living life “wrong.”
  • How we have missed the spiritual bulls eye or
  • the list of ways we are not honoring others the way they had expected to be honored.
  • discouraging any behavior they find is inappropriate or maybe borderline “unbiblical”
  • discouraging behaviors that basically don’t make them look good – if ya’ll are related.

You are not going to be able to keep up with the number of people who are disappointed with you, in you. And those words can be life damaging… purpose threatening. We all have to wade through a lot of poisonous words of filth sent by the Father of Lies through the mouths of those who “have known us and should have loved us”  (Eldredge, “Waking the Dead”). These are where some of our deepest wounds come from: parents, grandparents, siblings, aunts and uncles, etc.

And these are the hardest wounds to heal – the ones that can stick with us until the day we die unless we bring them before our God.

So when those same voices that have spoken so much harm then insist that they have only been encouraging encouragers… don’t be surprised. You’ll be angry. You’ll wonder for a minute if it is you. But you’ll know that you have not misrepresented or misinterpreted their previous words that have harmed you and wounded you. You know darn well why you feel the way that you do… people can be mean. However…

human being rewrite history

Human beings have this wonderful knack for trying to rewrite history.

That’s the time when we need to start asking ourselves and even them:
When have you ever offered HOPE? confidence? courage?
When have you inspired others…. smiled upon those around you…offered to one another supportive approval…
I’m not talking about finances or throwing money at something.

To genuinely encourage means to spur someone on…. to give someone confidence that they can do or be…courageous.
To help someone be bold…

What is in the word “encourage”… the word courage.

Can you honestly say that you inspire others to live with courage?

Are you living a life of courage? Are you known for your courage… at the very root of what it is to encourage?

Pet Peeves – Encouraging Encouragers
I think far too often we define our actions and ourselves as “encouraging encouragers” in the lives of others, but at no point have we actually been told by another person that we are an encouragement to their lives.

For some folks it’s like one day they woke up, heard a sermon, or read a book and DECIDED for themselves that they were encouraging. They picked the label that made them feel good without actually checking to find out if it fit with how they have always been with other people or what they are sincerely known “for” in the lives of those around them.

They focus in and obsess on that one moment that they can remember when something good came from something that they did or said. They allow that moment of glory to go to their head… and forget all those times when they have stuck their foot in the mouth, or spent more time criticizing or gossiping about someone instead of intentionally loving, encouraging and lifting up others in prayer.

critical spiritA critical spirit… can not be an encourager.

Gossip whoring… isn’t encouraging either.

You can’t pick that one amazing moment when you felt good about something you offered- and live off that for the rest of your life.

ONE MOMENT does not define a lifetime.

For Example: It’s not like at age 40 I’m suddenly going to wake up one day and be a dairy farmer… and then proceed to proclaim it to everyone around me, “I am a dairy farmer.” They are going to think I am nuts because:

  1. I am not a diary farmer
  2. I have never been a dairy farmer
  3. Unless some miracle of God happens I am not going to be a dairy farmer.

So why is it that there are so many of us running around claiming to be ” encouraging encouragers” when we have no substantial “encouraging fruit” flowing from our lives to bear witness to our claims? We have a lot of plastic fruit lying around… we have a lot of wounded hearts and battered people who have born the brunt of our “encouraging spirits.”

But there is not a long list of folks standing around us to testify or bear witness to our lives of encouragement.

Usually those who have to choose their own labels and announce them to everyone…they have actually been far from encouraging. It doesn’t matter how often they use that label, proclaiming it to others, whispering it in everyone’s ears – just because they claim to be a great encourager does not mean that

  • they are encouragers
  • they have been in the past encouraging
  • They will be in the future “encouraging encouragers” unless of course that miracle of God kicks in

So don’t worry if you think you are nuts for not seeing what they are telling everybody…

it really isn’t you. It’s them.

 

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Word Art: Things I’ve Been Writing & Thinking & Praying

I’ve had a lot on my prayer plate of late.

I’ve been writing a lot too, but none of it am I ready to share.

Processing good content can take a while… and some things I don’t share – because we’ll get a note addressing just that theme I’ve mentioned (ie purpose, a truck, change, etc).

Here are a few of those posters while you are waiting for those actual articles:

PS… if you like one would you mind sharing it on Pinterest? Just click the pin it button at the beginning or end of this post! Thank you…

Parenting from grace The Deep End Jezamama Fear Based Parenting The Silence of Our Fathers

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Ashamed to Be Me

jezamamalifterofmyhead

I’m awake before the sun meets the cold and dew. The fog has rolled in thick across the yard and I pray. I pray words deep and sorrow mingles. Somewhere in the midst of the words I’ve been given, the words He speaks from the pages of His book in the midst of my day… somewhere in the midst of all of these words I have found more of the real me and more of the one true God. In the hiding and seeking I have found that I am no longer ashamed.

I’m no longer ashamed to be me.

I place my face down in the carpet and murmur quiet before the throne of Grace. This throne’s foundation established on righteousness and justice. His is an unfailing love I do not deserve. A love he gives anyways… that is the way of grace. In my past I have often been afraid to accept this love as mine. This foggy morning His grace settles on the floor beside me. Here we are together: grace and me. I am this messed up, ridiculous, ungrateful, sorrow-filled, and sinful mess. It is this peace like a river that floods over my soul. Somewhere with grace up to my neck and overflowing my head it dawns on me that I’m no longer afraid to be me. Because I know the truth of what my God says about me… and I know all those voices that speak filth are spreading lies.

God is the lifter of my head. (Psalm 3:3)

The Rusty Places
Honestly, I don’t know why I still write here. It’s not like these words change anything… not really. They remind me of where I have been and are a record for my children. In the present however all this place feels like sometimes is a space for people to use – food for fodder, a way to keep in the loop, and guess between the lines. The clicking through pages is not about reconciliation and relationship. I hear cries for peace, but there can be no peace for the hunted. It’s about the sharks standing back, watching, and  waiting for folks to fall off cliffs. That is far from loving. It’s the circling of blocks and the cycling. You can’t reconcile with the unrepentant. You can’t reconcile with those who haven’t done anything wrong. Bullies and manipulators are rarely sorry… unless they’ve been caught and called on it. There can be no peace when nothing changes.
You can only forgive and cling to God.

 

So I wonder what is the point of finding a voice and being unashamed? I have learned that if you allow it there will always be someone willing to show you how less than you really are. Sometimes that person is someone else; sometimes that person is me. There is always going to be someone reading these words with an intent to dig up dirt, to harm my heart, or to add another bullet point to a legal pad. I’m not frightened by bullies – I refuse to allow these few to silence this voice.

However, sometimes I am really hard on myself and the hunting party does not help. Not that I expect perfection from myself, but I do. Not that I want life to be neat and orderly, but there is this part of me that does. I don’t like chaos. I don’t give myself slack or room to grow or learn. I don’t like it when I feel like I’ve flubbed a conversation, an interaction, and more… I hate that I loved and trusted with my heart and the real me… and now I feel duped. I can see their words of flattery and manipulation for what they are and I feel taken in and lied to.

I know that Perfectionism is a Grace-Killer.

“I am not one of those who treats the grace of God as meaningless.” Galatians 2:21 NLT

I’m learning to give myself a little slack, moments to stumble while leaving perfectionism in the hands of the One who is perfection. I’m learning to not take myself too seriously. I’m allowing myself to be me even if that means I am rejected, misunderstood, used and disliked. I’m letting what is lie still and striving to allow God to reshape what has gotten out of shape.

I am made up of recycled materials and I know God can handle that – I am not too much for Him no matter what lies the world or the enemy speaks saying otherwise.

I‘m learning to play and laugh and enjoy this (the current state of my life)… so that my heart doesn’t wander down the road of all that is not.

I’m learning to love what I see in me and allow God to prune the parts of me that do not reflect Him or bear fruit.

I’m resting in what it means to be a new creation…

“I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection! But I keep working toward that day when I will finally be all that Christ Jesus saved me for and wants me to be. No, dear brothers and sisters, I am still not all I should be, but I am focusing all my energies on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I strain to reach the end of the race and receive the prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us up to heaven.” Philippians 3:12-14 NLT

 

Facedown,
J.

 

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